days like these.

Today, I looked back on us and smiled.

You really are a great kid.
I know I messed up. You know I messed up.
You were just doing what you thought was right in a fucked up situation.
And I know.
You trusted me, even after all I did to you.
And tried to be friends with me.

I understand, kid.

I'm not bitter about it anymore.
I look back at the whole thing and I smile.
You really are a great kid.
And I'm glad I got to know you while I did.

I love days like these.

i. can't. wait.

Lately, I've been really really really excited about my life.

my future, I mean.

College next fall... will be totally different than this year. New school. New people.

Ahhh, actual college experience. and not surrounded by guys in their 30s who don't understand boundaries. but people actually my agee. or around it. and more people.

which means more chances of cute guys. i need cute guys.

hcc = NO CUTE GUYS! hcc blows.:]

I'll be going into my major, hopefully only three more years of school.

Then rankin in the big bucks.

bankinnnn. bringin home the bacon.

In my own place. my own couch. my own kitchen. my master bedroom. pictures on the walls.

surrounded by people I love. and who love me.

Going over my plans for my restaurants.

Going out to buy my first puppy. :D

One of these days, I will be on top of the world.

and I. CAN'T. WAIT.

you.

you. and guys like you.

are the reason girls like me are such bitches to these poor boys.

we know what went down.

and i wish i could have documented it all.

because then maybe you'd hate yourself. "i know. i'm an asshole. i'm sorry..."

and i kind of want you to. right now at least.

you're the one that got away.

the one that made it all better. somehow.

understood. and knew.

made life fun.

made me laugh. and want to dance around with no music.

or to the sample music in the isles at wal-mart.

run the bases at one in the morning.

talk about forest gump, the Marines, and life on the hood of your truck.

and get ice cream at two.

i always heard the Amred Forces does things to people.

i didn't know it would be like that...

here's another life lesson.

and another bridge burned.

"i'll be seeing you."

Tomorrow, I'm off to Galveston for my very first wedding.
Tomorrow, I'm going to meet the family who told my mom to give me up for adoption
because she wasn't fit to raise me.
Tomorrow, I'm going to be reminded that I have to sell Charlee and Liam to my uncle.
And meet (or REmeet, as my mom calls it...) the daughters and granddaughters of my Aunt.
I'm not very excited.

I can FINALLY call Teri my aunt.
They can finally get the benefits of being married.
It's too bad Mimi can't be there.
Think David's dad and my Mimi are on their last legs...

Mimi has had a staff infection in her feeding tube. and has finally gotten her own room because of it. And we got a call on Monday saying it's turned into MRSA which means the infection is no longer responsive to antibiotics. so. that's her status so far...
David's father had surgery a few years ago to put a pacemaker into his chest.
He's been on some medications to bring down the fluid buildup in his lungs and to keep his heart and blood pressure normal. So far we've heard that he had gotten walking pnemonia and was taken to the hospital. They gave him stronger doses of his medicine...
and He's back in the hospital again. Surprise, surprise. anyways.

Enough of that.

I'm going to my first wedding on Sunday!
I'm watching Spidermannnn.:D!
Iluhdaspidermann.
and i'm going to sleep sooonnnn. and it's only 9:40. hehe.

More later. <3

Why am I always on here when I'm upset?
Why can't I share my good feelings?

God, why do you send all these freaks my way?
and when someone normal comes along I can't handle it.

You have me missing things by the tip of a nail. Good and bad!
Thanks...

Maybe it is to show me what to stay away from.
But don't you know what kind of person I am?
You KNOW I see the good in everybody, and I base all my judgement on that.
Sue me?!?
You of all people should know!

What the hell is gonna happen to me later?
Sometimes I hate being me.

Stephanie, if life was easy it wouldn't be worth it.

Yeah. I guess.

yeah, fuck you.

Max Dakota Barbour.
Cody Jason Landsness.
Theodore Calvin.
Daniel Howard Eisner.
Niko Nino.
Collin Falco.
Matthew Mikkelsen.

I'M DONE WITH Y'ALL.
DONE. FUCKING DONE.

have a nice life, assholes.
one day, you're gonna look back and think, "damn. i had that."
you'll be wishing you did things differently. you'll think of me.

and i'll be having the time of my life WITHOUT you.
with someone who actually DOES give a shit about me.
FUCK YOU. and the bitches/guys you downgraded with.
fine by me. thanks for helping write another chapter in the
HISTORY
of my life.

good riddance,
Stephanie Michelle DeAngelo

Maybe if i write about you i'll get you off my mind.

I've been having dreams about you. where you've given up trying to stay away from me. and we're "together" in a sense. and i won't let you get too far from me without me checking up on you. and where i'm minding my own business and i think about you, that maybe you'd be around and you end up being wherever we are and i bump into you nonstop. it's been happening a lot. lately.
and i'll be in class and someone will say something that'll remind me of you. or when Mel talks about Diego, she and him remind me of me and you. how they are and what they talk about and how she gets upset with him and why. everytime i think about Diego and Mel it reminds me of you. i feel like her situation with him is a different version of us. different circumstances, different happenings, different people, same feelings. similar outcomes. similar bull. it all reminds me of you. kids from private schools remind me of you. i see your stupid school sticker on the back of every other car now. new people i meet went there, know your friends. people on facebook that added me in our early days. and some in our not so early days. i wear your shirt to bed. it's in my sleep clothes. i wear it so much it's got holes already.
trevor worked with me on saturday night, listening to the texas tech game, talking to me about homecoming. told me y'alls homecoming is this friday. i almost cried. almost. i definitely felt like it. it seems like it's only been a couple months since homecoming last year. one of the few games we won last year... too bad the football team blows. where i bought this shirt. i miss the games. i miss the football games. i miss the rugby games. i miss homecoming. and prom. i miss going to your house and watching the food network all day and talking about how much we want to eat everything theyre making. i miss Chip. i miss playing with Chip and chasing him around in your backyard, and throwing his bone around, and stratching his ears and singing with him. and letting him outside. and the way he'd act when he saw it was me parked outside your house. and how he'd jump on me when i got up to him. and i miss how you hugged me when it had been more than three days since i'd seen you last. i miss how it was so easy to tell how you felt. and how you'd give me such a hard time about everything. and how we'd play gin rummy with the cards you found in your coffee table. and that your mom was embarrassed when she found out they were looney toon cards. and how your mom would be really happy when she saw me, and was really interested in how i was, and how my mom was. how easy it was to talk to your family. and how you'd immediately try to get us out of the house when they got home from work. and how you always had PTI, pardon this interruption, on when i'd come by after school. your must see sports tv shows. and all they talked about was a-rod.
and how we never knew what to do. so we'd sit in your car for hours just trying to figure out what to do and evetually just gave up and went home. and how you didn't make going to the movies weird. and you're really bad jokes. and how Catherine could tell how we felt about eachother just by how we acted around eachother, even after we hadn't been together for a while. how you told me up and down and back and forth how i wasn't ruining your life when i knew i was. how you tolerated every bit of me for as long as you did. and how you knew i was fucking everything up for you and your friends told you how much of a bitch i was and you didnt listen to them, until now. and how you came back from Alaska after not talking to me all summer and telling me that you realized that every story you'd told the kids up there was about us and how they all we're good, all good memories of us, and that you realized that you wanted to talk to me, and see me again, and be my friend. that you were sorry you'd stopped talking to me before, and that you understood why i was upset, that i should be upset.
i told you it would change. i knew that after school started it would change. you would be talking to your friends again and they'd get you thinking about how much i screw your life up. and you'd stop talking to me again. the one night i had you back was really nice. it was. it was a really good day for me.
i miss your friends. i miss Charles Romero. i miss Charlie so much... he's the only kid who doesn't hate me at all. i miss his smile, he has the cutest goddamn smile ever. and he's so nice. they don't make enough people like Charles Romero. seriously. i can honestly say he's one of the best people i've ever met in my whole life. i miss Dylan Sonnier. i miss Ryan, even though he hates my guts, and never really liked me. i miss your friends accepting me. i miss your school, where it is, what it looks like, walking around it. driving up to it. i miss the drive up to your stupid school. i miss your house. i miss your car. i miss the smell of your car. and the way you smelled. yeah, you had a distinct smell. i miss you visiting me at work, and keeping me company, well, distracting me, while i was on the stand, and visiting jenny and ben while we were working. and you going out of your way to see me, and not making up excuses to why you can't. and you going out of your way to spend time with me instead of having to lie to your friends, tell them youre alone and agree to go somewhere with them and have to drop me off at my grandmas house, once again. i miss laying in your lap. and playing with your stupid hair. and pinching you when you deserved it. and making fun of your facial hair. and how soft most of the shirts you wore to school were. and how you wore the same pair of shoes foreverrr. and your stupid little phrases that i catch myself saying all the time. "half cup." "legit." "this guy." "beast." "calm down, calm down." "sir/madam."
i hate you. i hate that you gave all this up.
i hate that i can send you songs and you can tell me how its breaking your balls and you still refuse to talk to me. i hate that you sent me "Better as a Memory" by Kenny Chesney.
i hate that i tell you you just threw out my best friend in the whole damn world and you apologize, come back for a day, and do it again. i hate that you can text me when you see me at a texans game, be with Charlie, and act like nothings ever happened between us. i hate that it doesnt bother you. i hate that i can ask your for Charlies number and you say suree, nooo problemo. and be okay with just saying that. i hate that this isn't bothering you. i hate that i'm dreaming about this and you're at home, fine and dandy, without a care in the world. i hate you.